my face white as sheet and dark circles dark as night... ugly..

i am so freaking tired.. will this realli make me a better person.. i think juz become a old hag wif lots of wrinkle and eye bags.. urgh.. and i'm getting fatter n fatter!! *cries* and my mind is cluttered wif stuff to worry abt.. i wan a peaceful mind..

ytd was our 999 day (online calculator! hee), but we spent it at hospital.. almost from fri we were there every nite.. veri tired but at least now everyone is relax dat everything's fine. realli, nthg's more impt than ur health..

however, i still received a pleasant surprise.. he sent flowers to my office! and i was so busy with meeting diff trs n VP etc that i wasnt in office when it was delivered.. den when i went back to my desk i was so engrossed in telling my staff abt what to do that i completely missed the bouquet on the table until i had to put smthg down on the desk.. and i stupidly asked "why are there flowers?" when i already knew who it was from.. so happy!! altho i was still crazily busy for the rest of the day, i was buzzing around the office wif excitement and happiness.

i am a lucky girl =)

things juz havent been so smooth this yr.. will i be able to smell freedom one day?

cm is not having it good either.. these few days he has to do his fyp and met quite a few obstacles, yet at the same time he is needed by his parents at work... in the end he is oso quite tired out..

but i know almost everyone has their own kind of worries and problems.. it's all part of life.. hopefully after this ups and downs, we will all become more mature and better persons.. and of cuz our bond stronger.. =)

i'm back n fighting! sats need to work, so what? over-stressed, so what?!

today the new vp said to me, "when u r thinking abt a problem u muz think through it from the 1st step till the last step."

no offence but i wanted to laugh in her face. i normally have abt 5 to 6 problems at the back of my mind at any point of time. what i do is to think of the 1st step and last step for all of them, distribute the work out to either myself or other clerks with instructions for only 1st step and then think of step 2 or step 3 when the jobs starts getting back one by one. at the same time other jobs start coming in and i have to think of step one for them as and when they come in. i dun have the luxury of T-I-M-E! as wad cm's dad says, prioritizing becomes the most important skill and the person who pesters me the most have the highest priority!! it's so true that i didnt even realise it for a fact until it was spoken.. zzz

the new vp has no idea what she is getting into, does she..

anyway, had another emotional struggle for the past week.. in the end, i finally told myself to juz try my best, dun feel so upset when things go wrong.. work is work, dun put all ur heart into it.. u will feel all drained and sad when it is not recognised.. anyway this is short term for me.. why shd i make myself so miserable? i can quit anytime i wan.. no point antagonising myself over this..

anyway! i am thinking of perming my hair this time.. if u know of any good and cheap salons, let me know~


tired.. gg to sleep.. zzz..

my insomnia is coming back.. for days i havent been able to sleep.. onli managed to sleep like 3 hrs.. ytd couldnt take it anymore n took the sleeping pill.. only it wasnt called sleeping pills, it's called "sedative"..

i like to think that i have a good life.. i have a healthy family, parents not divorced or ill like some families.. my r/s with my sis is veri good unlike some siblings who always fight.. i have a bf who cares a lot for me, i have a stable job and earning quite alright considering i only have degree.. everything in my life seems to be going well and good.

but i cant handle work stress.. i dont know if the amt of work and stress is realli considered high, or am i just being weak? who can define how much a person can be stretched? i feel so stifled under all the stress.. at nite my heart beats fast and nervously.. i couldnt settle down at all.. cant put my mind at ease..

all nite long all i could think of are these:
will i fail to meet the expectations? if i wan to quit, will it affect my future career in other ministries? if i dun quit, how shd i survive? if i quit, will i be able to find a job? if i quit, will i be seen as a useless person? if i stay, will my insomnia get worse and worse? i dun wan to be under so much stress but i dun wan to quit the job. talk to my boss abt this? tried but he keeps adding on to the stress. i am so tired.. physically and mentally.. can i still go on? can i take a break? do i deserve a break? wad if i spend all my money? i like working near to my home. i like seeing the children. but i dun like the work nature. but then again, i can still take it, cant i? or, i cant? wad do i wan? i wan to quit, but i wan to stay. quit stay quit stay quit stay quit stay quit stay

anyway, right now i juz feel like such a useless person who cant take stress. a lot of ppl had to work under huge stress, and they still cope. why cant i?

一双闪着泪光的眼睛
要多努力才能把雨看成星星 yes pls tell me how much harder i need to try..
握住我手　但别给我同情
执着的人要从倔强　寻找勇气

好像很近　瞬间又远离
很难实现才叫梦想　才要决心 - my exact feelings now..
我们终于一起　来到这里 - cuz havent reached our goal yet..
当我激动不能言语　把我抱紧

我们隔着　一颗心的距离
有笑有哭地去回忆
夏天秋天　纯真蜕变的电影
会是一辈子做不腻的事情

静静隔着　一颗心的距离
交换最真实的情绪
庆幸　太不勇敢的纪念日里
你曾经　给我多重要的鼓励 - really thankful for having someone who catches me as i fall..

我想说　没有你的生命
像没有歌词的旋律
就算可以　很美很好听
也少了意义少了确定




一双闪着泪光的眼睛
要多努力才能把雨看成星星 ...