i guess everyone has to grow up..

and i'm not sure if i want 2009 to arrive so quickly.. it's gg to be a year full of major changes..

1. my sis gg to hk for half a yr starting jan for her exchange

2. one mth after she comes back, i'm probably leaving for aussie myself - meaning i only get to see her for 1 mth b4 leaving.. not that she's not coming back or anything.. but still..

3. got to try to adapt to new country n find a job

4. no longer can i go home n be taken care of by parents..


i realised that i have been so excited by the idea of getting out of SG n living somewhere else for a change that i've forgotten that i have to leave behind my home, my parents and sis for quite a while.. it makes me sad to even think of leaving them.. i will miss them.. even tho we always quarrel, family is family. i guess all children have to grow up and find their own homes eventually, but living in another country is totally on a different scale! n when i come back, will things be different? since i would be married to cm, will i still have the chance to stay with my family? suddenly i am not ready to leave my home yet.. the future is unknown n scary.. I'm not ready to grow up yet!

part of me wants to grow up n be responsible for my future. part of me just wants to go back being a child and curl up in my bed..

but as cm says, everyone has to look forward.. and as i have experienced again and again, time that has passed will nv come back. every second that i am using to type out this entry will nv come back to me. instead of living in the shadow of the familiar past, i have to try to go forward with anticipation.

yea i guess after 2009, my life will nv be the same again. but i'm sure it will be fun n exciting! i guess i'm juz worrying too much, again.. =)

my birthday is over~ and i'll nv forget it.. i am such a lucky girl.. surrounded by love from my family n bf.. didn't expect tt my mum n sis would buy me a present.. and they were afraid i wouldnt like the design.. even if it's ugly i would also love it!! n it's not ugly at all.. realli like it and i'm really very happy tt they took the trouble to go shop for a present...

n cm did the sweetest thing for me.. he brought me out on sat, one day b4 my bday whole day shopping for a bag.. cuz i've used my old one for over a yr and the material is rubbing off onto my clothes... wearing out already.. so i wanted to get a new one.. after shopping for almost the whole day, i finally found one i like in Guess (again).. and it's on sale as well~ he paid for it (me happy!) and we went for dinner.. had korean food.. love the ginseng chicken.. but there was too much food.. ate till bloated!!!

super full.. i bet i gained another kg there sobs.. then we went to watch Twilight.. a movie abt vampire falling in love with a human girl.. when the male lead came out all the girls were giggling n gushing.. and i was like "who is he? dun even know him..." i think i'm realli old liao.. but overall i enjoyed the movie.. quite romantic..

then came the surprise cm had planned for me.. he brought me to a place where we could be alone, and he proposed. altho we had discussed countless times abt getting married.. i really didnt expect that he would proposed.. n i really didnt know that i would have such a strong reaction.. i was so touched that i couldnt speak.. n i started crying. i always tot if one day he gives me a ring, i would jump for joy n he would carry me n swing me around.. but instead i juz cried!! super ugly n unromantic!!

i know lots of ppl think cm is very rich.. but i know he only takes enough money to pay for his petrol n his food.. n he also work very hard for his dad.. he realli tries very hard to save money.. he likes the $3.90 flip flops bought from a shop in market better than NUM.. he wear $10 jeans from bugis village.. n we r thinking of gg australia tog next year mid june or smthg.. so even desperate to save money for it.. tt's also partly the reason we decided to get married.. if i follow him as a spouse, i can get working visa easily..

we probably will not have a banquet.. no money to have one.. and not really interested.. even if we have, it will be becuz our families wan it.. and it will probably be in 2 to 3 yrs time.. now we juz wan a simple rom.. with our close families n friends.. juz a simple affair.. maybe to others it's boring n unromantic.. but that's just how we are.. juz wan everything to be simple.. i am really lucky to have him..

I have a dream, a song to sing
To help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of a fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

I have a dream, a fantasy
To help me through reality
And my destination makes it worth the while
Pushing through the darkness still another mile
I believe in angels
Something good in everything I see
I believe in angels
When I know the time is right for me
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream
Ill cross the stream - I have a dream

juz met up wif my good frens for a gathering.. and i am now in shock.. we were discussing who would get married first, who would have babies and how many etc.. and also a few who said they didnt like children n so wouldn't think of having any children even after marriage. and then someone asked, "would u abort if u accidentally got pregnant?" and one of us said yes without hesitation. i am really really quite shocked..

i STRONGLY feel that all babies deserve a chance. they certainly did not choose to be conceived! if you choose to have sex then u jolly well face the consequences! abortion is juz an ugly way to shrink away from ur responsibilities! abortion is murder (or at least i feel that way)! u cant juz create a whole new being in your body and juz diminish it like it's worthless! i cant understand!

some may just see it as a ball of cells. i see it as a lifetime of opportunities for the little one. he/she can grow up to have a personality of his/her own, a life of his/her own and a whole future lies out in front. if u do not wish to be part of his/her future, ie if u do not wish to be responsible for the baby, then pls DONT HAVE SEX! even use of condoms is not always 100%. maybe go on the pill... to be 100% sure, pls go sterilise yourself! this way at least you won't need to face the predicament of having blood on your hands!

if you really are in a bad family situation, and u see no future for the baby in your home, pls give it up for adoption with MCYS.. every baby deserves a chance. if he/she doesnt have a future with you, you can give him/her a chance with another family.. while you are popping out eggs n throwing them away like they are worthless, there are people out there who are unable to have their own babies and would do anything to have one..

i know there are many ppl out there who think the same way as this fren.. and i won't be able to change any of them. abortion was supposed to be invented for the safety of women.. who cant have babies due to whatever health reasons or conditions they have.. but now we are simply using it as a way of cleaning up after ourselves

pls everybody, don't do it if you are not going to be responsible for the consequences.. life is precious. life is a miracle.. pls dont casually throw away the life of another person..

*very depressed mood*

spent a beautiful day at sentosa... i wanna remember it forever and always remind myself to be thankful for the good things i have in my life.. and also remind myself that life is beautiful and i must cherish every moment. =)